My boyfriend is 34 years old while I am only 24. He never seems interested in having sex while for me I like having sex most of the time. It bugs me so much that I become moody and frustrated. What should I do? He says it is probably the age. Is this true? I am getting very desperate but don’t want to be unfaithful to him.
Dear K. A.
I often work with couples who experience desire differences. The problems can stem from a number of causes. Some of the causes could be: normal differences in sex drive, performance anxiety, one partner experiencing depression, one partner or both having negative sexual experiences as a child, fear of sexual inadequacy, an expression of problems in the relationship, etc.
If your boyfriend is experiencing lack of desire I find that the reasons for this problem is unique to each individual and to each couple. However, given your age difference, one possibility is that he loves you very much and is afraid he will disappoint you and thereby lose you. Take heart it is not unusual for a woman to fear that he doesn’t want me, you are not alone in these fears. However for him, I call this performance anxiety. I recommend the two of you begin to discuss this issue in a safe and comfortable way. He needs to be reassured that you care about him too and that he will not lose you if sex is not perfect. He needs to learn to relax and make sex Adults at Play as I call it and not Adults at Work.
My MP3s can be very helpful to him. They are specifically designed to help men get into the play zone and out of the performance zone. The MP3s are unique in that they help deepen the sexual and emotional connection with your partner while increasing desire and improving the ability to function sexually.
Karen Gless, Ph.D.